Meant to send it long time ago

Me in usm lab. Kinda look like i'm inna horror movie.

Test two..

My snowy owy woggums at cameron.

Ahha.. project send pics through mobile a success..

insert suitable evil laughter here: mwahahahahah

okay, my blogs don't usually have pictures, it doesn't mean i don't take pictures, i'm just too lazy to upload them because i have to:
1. lug out my big ugly brute of a laptop
2. wait a while for it to stabilize or it will hang and lag
3. turn on bluetooth, wait for years for all the uploads to upload
4. transfer to pendrive (includes risk of transfering the viruses in my laptop to my recently devirused pc {i'm pretty sure its trojan not even karspersky works})
5. turn on main computer, non wireless modem.
6. avert eyes while trying to connect or drama queen missy modem won't connect properly.
7. wait.
8. open firefox (have to wait a few minutes and i have to press lots of times to get it out)
9. close extra firefox windows.
10. stick the pendrive into the socket which is on the floor and behind my huge motherboards butt.(really dusty too)
11. wait for it to copy.
12. sign into blogger
13. upload.

and the really pathetic thing is i really have to do it step by step like that or the wretched hell thingamajig just hangs and you're back to step 1.

ah well, my mobile phone bill is gonna be huge..

Imma sending from my phone!

I turned my necklace into a bracelet. E for evil..

i'm not going to go about this all fancy and pretty. I hate laughing, it leaves empty and sad and it won't go away. it keeps me up at night just by not being there. now i feel so alone and empty, it's in my stomach, it's in my head, it's in my thoughts. It just leaves me wanting more. I need to keep laughing but there's no one there. it's like toiling under disgusting conditions on an empty stomach. i lose sight of everything. I don't want to live just to exist like those poor bastards in my essay. day in day out doing stuff that wont matter in a month a year a lifetime later. there's nothing cool about this, nothing 'emo' about this just plain depressing. I have to look into this fact everyday, but there's nothing i can see. in my future the land is barren, there's nothing but the bleak ugly horizons, the land doesn't disappear in the curve of the earth it just goes on and on until eyes rots or sight fails. i will have to live day in day out forever and ever and on and on. i don't matter anyway, to everybody else i'm just a ugly sulky bully with a crave for attention by threatening to drop dead any second. maybe i am, maybe i'm not. i don't care. i just want it to end. it hurts me to know that i will have to continue this meaningless existence. in the end all things die. they have to it is the law of the universe the nature of how things go.

imma bee!!

i just renewed my blog look..
how is it? i just randomly chose the colours..
a major headache to look at hahah
anyway my self esteem is severely squashed...
mmm not that i know why
perhaps it's to do with being a talentless loser?
mmmm.. figures
went to celebrate my birthday
mmm.. kinda fun
went to fridays, told waiter was with a bunch of friends, he showed me to a table with a bunch of grown ups..
mmm..thinkthink
then requested for a table for five. called ming as they were walking in. Ordered.
dunno why but the sight and scent of food nauseated me.. Pregnant?
mmm.. thinkthink.. nah
stranger was late. ate. karuwe does not like vegetables.
mmm.. bearinmindbearinmind
fish and chips was nice. payed for lunch. smiles all around. sher, ming, karuwe went to check out shoes. Stranger and i got tickets. messed up big time. fixed big time. karuwe contemplated present for friend. saw michael jackson portable fan. laughed.
ming, sher, stranger and karuwe got ripped off buying present for me. bodyshop eyeliner.
mmm.. thanks.
went to borders. laughed at pride prejudice zombies with ninja version. laugh at chinglish. sent karuwe safely to transport home. went back to borders. found out evangeline meant bringer of good news, andrew means courageous, lee means poet, chiyo means eternal, yin means silver. left borders. went to jco. drank iced green tea. laughed at couple lolling over couch, asleep. queued for popcorn. potty break. watched movie. finished movie. contacted transport. went to bead zone. got necklace. a capital letter E for evil. commenced suitable laughter.
went home.

technically should be reposing now. will. soon.

Demons and Angels

There's nothing you can do
when the demons come out to play
I said I don't want to
but they say they're here to stay

Every black thought
I conceive in my heart deep,
Every evil memory
they awaken even when I sleep

The demons in my head,
they won't leave me alone,
Perhaps it's better if I was dead
even though the thought chills me to the bone
at least I'll be alone
in my head.

___________________
Every peal of laughter
is music to my ears
even sometime after
it still brings me joy without peer

Leaving twinkling motes of mirth
in the air from whence it burst forth

A lingering taste of sweet spice
and utter delight

To bring rapturous moments
of pure heaven
Snatches and glimpse
of perfect paradise
Into the life of another

What could compare
to lighting lives
with untainted delight?

This job of Angels
What could compare?
If we open our eyes
we see them everywhere...


I wrote demons when I was really upset for reasons which i cannot disclose
Now that i read it, the litany 'demons in my head' kinda goes together with' squirrels in my pants' (the one candace sings in phineas and ferb hahahahha) kinda rhymes in a weird way..

Angels is how i feel when i make people laugh, i feel happier when i make someone laugh rather than laughing myself.

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